Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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