Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
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Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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