You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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