and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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