so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
