pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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