You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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