3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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