It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
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and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
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Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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