Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
