Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
