My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
