Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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