Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
