Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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