The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
