living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
