well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
