We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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