how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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