i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
