god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
