so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
