and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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