Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
