he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
