the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
