forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
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There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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