You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i now understand why vodka
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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