Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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