I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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