I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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