you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
