i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
