On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
