I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
