I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
