dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
