and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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