he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
