Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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