I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Randomize
