moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Send help, water and tortillas.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
