Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
why is half of my head shaved?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
