He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
