Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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