I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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