i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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