Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
