his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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