I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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