There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
