that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Randomize
