I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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