I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
foreskin is a definite game changer
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
