I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
