foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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