but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
