someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
