I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
