i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
