I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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