I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
