my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
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The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
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We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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