He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
